Snoop Hogg Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 Kenny G is a talented musician worthy of our respect. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe King Posted March 7 Share Posted March 7 (edited) A male patient is wheeled into the operating theatre for a heart operation. The surgeon starts cutting in the abdomen area. The nurse questions this and reminds the surgeon it was a heart surgery operation. The doctor responds by saying everyone knows the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Edited March 7 by Joe King 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heretic Posted March 11 Author Share Posted March 11 There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”. We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”. Do they, however, know the difference between them? Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295. GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?” BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: 'You're next, Chubby.' I trust this clears up any confusion. Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4petesake Posted March 12 Share Posted March 12 I yelled “Cow!” at a woman riding past me on a bike. She turned around and gave me a finger, then plowed right into the cow. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snoop Hogg Posted March 14 Share Posted March 14 I support the emo civil rights movement because bleak lives matter. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Dumb Nuck Posted March 15 Popular Post Share Posted March 15 My wife has been having a hard time falling asleep and we tried everything. One day while Googling stuff I came across a study done back in the 70's how wasp noises helped people fall asleep. I managed to find an old 45 record with wasp noises on eBay so I bought it. The night it came my wife put it on when she went to sleep while I was watching a Canucks game. About 15 minutes later she called me, angry because it wasn't working. I was disappointed, but went and grabbed the record of the player, it is then I realized what the problem was, she had it on the B side. 3 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb Nuck Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Master Mind Posted March 16 Popular Post Share Posted March 16 My wife yelled "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you??" That caught me off guard. What a weird way to start a conversation. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heretic Posted March 16 Author Share Posted March 16 So, there is a lot of talk about kids identifying as cats or dogs “furries”, they call them. Imagine if you can, that one of my kids told me they thought they were a cat? Sitting at the supper table son says: “Dad, I think I’m a cat! Dad: “No son, you’re a boy! “ My son: “No dad some of my friends at school identify as cats, they call themselves furries, and so do I !! It’s my right and you can’t do anything about it!” Dad: “OK!! “ My son: “Hey, where’s my supper? “ Dad: “Your supper is in the catfood bowl in the corner. Now get off the table you mangy cat!” My son: “What???” Dad: hits him with a broom, “get off the table furball!!” My son in the corner looking bewildered! Me to my wife : “Is that cat neutered”?? My wife: “I will make an appointment!! “ My son: “What??? “ Dad: “Your mother and I have decided we don’t want a house cat, so get out to the barn and hunt mice!” My son: “What???” Dad: brandishes broom, “NOW, to the barn you stupid cat!!” My son: “Dad, I think I’m a boy!” Dad: “I thought so, now sit down and eat your supper!!” Spay and neuter these animals. Stop them from reproducing. Today’s society has enough fruit loops already. End of story!drop Copied from a friend . 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heretic Posted March 18 Author Share Posted March 18 Irish Confession: I went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates When the priest came in, I said to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." The priest replied, "You eegit, you're on my side" 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe King Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 A burglar stole all our lamps. I should be upset,but I'm delighted. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bllewellyn Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 What’s the difference between a refrigerator and an asshole? A fridge doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kragar Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Why is it so hard to put one over on an unemployed court jester? Cuz he's nobody's fool. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bllewellyn Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 What is a pirates favourite letter? A pirate loves the cee haha ( you all thought it was arr be honest) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snoop Hogg Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Why did the little boy drop his ice cream cone? He got ran over by the ice cream truck. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snoop Hogg Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 What is the name of the collaboration between R. Kelly and Sean Combs? Pee Diddy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chon derry Posted April 10 Share Posted April 10 Mario asks Luigi aay Luigi u likea da fat woman ? … no I no likea da fat woman ! …… Mario asks Luigi aay Luigi you likea da woman with hairy legs?…..Luigi says no I no like a da woman with a hairy legs ! ……Mario asks Luigi aay Luigi you likea da woman with a moustach? Luigi says no I no likea da woman with a moustach ! Mario says to Luigi then why you fucka my wife ? 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snoop Hogg Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 Prime numbers are just like regular numbers, but with free shipping. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Canuck You Posted April 19 Popular Post Share Posted April 19 "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's." 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canuck You Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canuck You Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek? "Together, we can stop this crap." 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gurn Posted April 21 Share Posted April 21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe King Posted April 26 Share Posted April 26 Did you hear about the divorcee who was a good house keeper. Every time she got divorced she would keep the house. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top shelf peanut butter Posted May 1 Share Posted May 1 The Toronto Maple Leafs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rip The Mesh Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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